This week, I thought I would do something a little different. I thought I would share something very personal with you. Something that I have only allowed two other people to see. Ever. It’s the start of a novel I have been trying to write.

Writing a novel is a bucket list item for me, and I have been toying with ideas for this novel for three years now. The story is so alive to me that it often plays like a movie in my mind as I sleep. While I have outlined the entire storyline, I have only written the first few chapters.

So, without further ado, I present the beginning of The Year of Miss Fox by April Berry.

The Year of Miss Fox

Part 1 – Autumn

“Ummm.  Well, I might have an idea.  I’m not really sure.”  I stammered in a quiet voice.  In fact, I do have a good idea.  Possibly a great idea.  But I never seem to be able to find my voice when called on during these department brain-storming sessions.

“What’s that, Laurel?”  Harry says in his usual obnoxious manner.  Then, turning to the rest of the department, he says “what did the fox say?”  The department politely chuckles except Hank.  Hank belly-laughs loudly and adds his own quip.  “I thought the fox is supposed to say ‘ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding’ but this particular fox mostly seems to say ‘umm’ a lot.”

Harry smiles broadly and slaps his knee.  Then, he looks directly at me as he says to the entire group “Seriously, we need to find a way to make this walk a huge success!  Put on your thinking caps, people.  Now, get to work.”

As I file out the door with the rest of my coworkers, Harry tells me to stop by his office after lunch. I hear him softly singing “ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding” as I nod my head and exit the room.  Ugh!  As an introvert with the last name Fox, I lament the day that song became a viral internet sensation. Why did the singer choose a fox?  Why couldn’t the song be “what did the raccoon say”?  Or, maybe a rabbit? Or, ANY other adorable woodland creature?

I grab my sack lunch and make a beeline for the parking lot.  I hop in to my car and drive to a nearby park.  After staff meetings, I always take my lunch to the park to eat.  It doesn’t even matter if the weather is bad because I always eat in my car anyways.  I feel like I can barely breathe in those meetings.  Crowds (and by crowd, I mean three or more people) exhaust me.  I need the alone time to start breathing fully again and recuperate.  As I sit in my parked car and mindlessly munch my PB&J, I mentally kick myself.  Why?  Why can’t I just share my ideas in front of the entire group?  Why don’t I speak up for myself when Harry and Hank start in on their stupid jokes?  Why, why, why!

I roll down my car window as if the fresh air will blow this negativity out of my mind.  It kind of works.  A cool gentle breeze reminds me that cooler weather will be here within a couple short months.  The charity walk for our local domestic abuse shelter will also be here within a couple of months, and Harry wants to hear my ideas in less than an hour.  I have put a lot of thought into this.  We chose to call it the “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” walk.  I suggested the idea to Harry.  He presented it to the team, and everyone loved it.  I was so proud of myself… even if no one realizes that it was originally my idea.  The walk has not attracted as much attention as we had hoped it would, and we are at risk of having to cancel the event if we can’t draw in more walkers.  Needless to say, my publicity firm does not want a failed charity event on their watch.  Thus, we are brainstorming ideas to turn the situation around.  I have a really good idea; I just couldn’t work up the nerve to speak up in front of the entire group.  So like I always do, I will tell my ideas to Harry in the privacy of his office.

I blow out a long breath of air, puff up my shoulders, and tell myself “You can do this, Laurel.  It’s a great idea, and Harry is going to love it.”  I put the car into gear and slowly drive back to the office.

***

I had barely entered his office when Harry says “Whatcha got for me, Fox?”

“Well, umm.  When you see some of these other 5k races and walks and stuff, you see a lot of people dressed in outrageous outfits – you know, like crazy barbarian outfits for the Warrior Dash, delicate tutus for the mud crawl.  It seems to add to the attraction of these events, and umm, I was thinking that we should encourage walk participants to dress in girlie shoes or other womanly attire for our walk.  It might make the walk more fun.  We could set up a photo opp area on site where people can get a souvenir photo for an additional donation.”

Harry frowns a little.  “I don’t see how it could hurt.  But I was hoping for more from you, Laurel.  That’s not a big enough idea to turn this thing into a huge success.”  With that, Harry picked up his pen and starting completing some paperwork on his desk.  I think he was trying to dismiss me from his office.  Feeling deflated, I almost got up to leave but somehow I found a little bit of voice to finish telling him the rest of my idea.

“There’s more,” I say in a quiet voice.  Harry looks up from his desk.  “Umm, you know the new arena football team that Glenn’s team is promoting?”  Harry makes an impatient wrap-this-up hand gesture indicating that I should get to the point.

“Ummm, I think-I think we should invite the new arena football team to participate in the walk.  Imagine these big football players wearing frilly ballerina tutus, high heels, or dresses.  It would be positive publicity for both clients.  I’m certain that the local news would pick up the story…” my voice begins to trail off.

Encouraged by a small smile on Harry’s face, I continue.  “It’s a win-win for our firm.  It would create a media buzz around the walk and possibly encourage yet another demographic of potential walkers – sports fans.  Plus, it would create more awareness for the football team.   It could even encourage greater attendance for their initial season.  We could include discount coupons to their games in the giveaway bags.”

“Laurel, you have really outfoxed yourself this time!”  The smile spreads widely across Harry’s face, and I find myself smiling in return.  Yes, I have really outdone myself this time.  I’m so proud that I don’t even mind his stupid pun using my name.

***

I can’t wait to share my news.  To celebrate my successful day at the office, I pick up a bottle of wine and some pepperoni pizza on the way home.  I prefer barbeque chicken pizza but pepperoni is Jimmy’s favorite.  Jimmy is my boyfriend, and we have been living together for almost two years.

I park in my normal spot next to the apartment complex sign that reads “The Commons – A Quiet Community”.  I grab my bag, the wine and the pizza and make a mad dash for the building.  The clouds have suddenly turned dark, and I’m afraid that it may start to downpour at any minute.

I’m a little surprised to find our apartment door open.  I’m even more surprised to find two boxes stacked in our living room.  “Hello?” I say in a quiet voice.  No one answers.  Then, Jimmy comes walking out of the bedroom carrying a box.

“Oh.  Hi, Laurel. We need to talk.”

I feel slightly light-headed so I set down the pizza and wine on the dining table. I sink into a chair and look up at Jimmy.

Jimmy sets down his box and sits on it.  “I think you already know that this – us – isn’t working.”

I look at him with big question marks in my eyes.  “Wh-what?  Wh-why?” I stammer.

“We are just too different.”

I sink lower into my chair and look down at my hands that are restlessly fidgeting in my lap.  My mind races.  Wait. What? Are we too different?  Are we really not working?  I thought that our strength was that we are so different.  He does the talking, I do the listening. He comes up with idea after idea, I support him.  He plays the starring role, and I play the supporting role loyally beside him.

“Don’t you have anything to say?”  Jimmy looks at me expectantly.

I look towards him.  Actually, I look over his shoulder because eye contact suddenly feels too intimate. After a moment, I hear my own quiet voice say “I didn’t know…”  But my words trail off.  This is too sudden – too upsetting – and I can’t even formulate a response.

“Jesus, Laurel!  This is what I’m talking about.  I’m not a friggin’ mindreader.”  He picks up his box and huffs out to the car.  He comes back in a moment, grabs the last two boxes, glances once in my direction, and then, he leaves.  Dazed and bewildered, I sink even lower into my chair.  Eventually, I open the bottle of wine and take a swig. Then, the tears begin to fall.

***

Glenn has been in Harry’s office for most of the morning.  I have a feeling they are discussing my ideas for the charity walk.  Normally, I would feel giddy and nervous about this.  But today, I feel tired and disconnected.  My eyelids are heavy, my head hurts, and I am unable to focus. My thoughts keep returning to Jimmy leaving last night.

Eventually, Harry’s office door opens.  He and Glenn step out the door smiling and shake hands.  I overhear Glenn say, “I’m looking forward to combining forces with you on this, Harry. It’s a hell of a great idea!”

Despite my headache, I smile a little to myself.

As soon as Glenn walks away, Harry clears his throat to make an announcement.  “Your attention, please.  It appears that we may have saved the Walk a Mile in her Shoes event afterall. Yesterday, an idea came to me. I immediately set up a meeting with Glenn to discuss it.  We are going to join forces with Glenn’s team to cross-promote the Mayhem arena football team with our charity walk.  The football players will participate in the walk while wearing heels and tutus.  In fact, we will encourage all participants to dress up in foo-foo girly attire for the walk.  It will make for great publicity. We will do a full media blitz. The media will love it!  And, it’s going to get a lot of attention from the public.”

Everyone politely applauded. Hank walked over and heartily slapped Harry on the back in congratulations.  I discreetly left to use the restroom.

I heard the restroom door open as I washed my hands.

“Hi, Laurel.”

“Oh. Hi, Susan.” Susan works in my department two cubicles away from mine.

With a hint of caution in her voice, Susan slowly said, “I couldn’t help but notice something.”

“What’s that?”

“I can’t help but notice that Harry often gets his best ideas after meeting with you. Was it really your idea to involve the Mayhem in the walk?”

I respond shyly. “Yes, I mentioned it to him yesterday after lunch.”

Susan lowered her voice. “He shouldn’t be taking credit for your ideas, Laurel. It’s not right.”

“Oh, well, we are a team and everything.  So, umm, I guess it’s okay. I mean as long as the project is a success then we are all successful, right?” I state unconvincingly.  In truth, I have thought about this myself in the past. This is not the first time that Harry had failed to mention my contributions on a project. Just a couple weeks ago, he had taken credit for my idea to name the event Walk a Mile in her Shoes.  At the time, I had convinced myself that it had been an oversight on his part.  But after today, it has me wondering if these instances are not an oversight afterall.

“See you later.” I said warily as I walked out the door.

I think I heard her say “You deserve more credit, Laurel” as the door closed behind me.    Suddenly, a tear threatened to escape down my cheek. I decide to take an early lunch. As I headed to my car in a drizzling light rain, my phone vibrated in my pocket.  It’s a text from my mom.  “Looking forward to dinner at WTW with you tonight!” Damn!

***

During dinner at What the Wok!?!, Mom and I look at our placemats like we always do and discuss how odd it is that we both share the same Chinese calendar animal of the horse.  She likes to joke about how it is so appropriate for me since I am “such a workhorse.”  We often have the same conversations week after week.  I think my outgoing mother doesn’t feel completely comfortable with my quietness. Even my own mother doesn’t know how to break through my outer shell, but God bless her, she tries.  She tries.

“I have met the most interesting new person in my yoga class.  Shelly is a nutritionist. I told her about our weekly dinners here, and she says that we should really watch our sodium intake at this place.”

Mom continues to chat away while I crack open my fortune cookie.  It reads “You cannot fully enjoy the summer without first experiencing fall, winter, and spring.”

Mom reads her fortune aloud. “New pleasures are coming your way.”

We look at each other, smile, and in chorus say “in bed!”  We both chuckle at our childish game of adding the words “in bed” to the end of cookie fortunes. Wow, it feels good to smile for a moment.

While crossing the parking lot to our vehicles, Mom gives a final wave and hollers “Dad and I are looking forward to seeing you and Jimmy on Sunday for dinner.  Love you, Honey!”

“Actually, Jimmy won’t be there this Sunday.”

 

To Be Continued…

What do you think of the story so far? Should I share more parts of my novel-in-progress in future blog posts? Please let me know in the comment section below.

By the way, if you enjoyed reading this, you and I just might have similar reading tastes. Check out these posts about books I have enjoyed reading:

• Books by Kate Morton
• Wives of politicians
• Women who feel invisible